whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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