I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
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