ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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