Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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