Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
