a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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