anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
