Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
