i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
