For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Randomize