This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Randomize