I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
