i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Randomize
