yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
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