We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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