OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
