how hairy? two words: wookie tits
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
Randomize
