i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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