god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
