Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
