she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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