yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
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