That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
not ubering you a puppy
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
