Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
