I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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