I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
