When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
two words...techno handjob
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Randomize
