Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
