Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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