we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
