Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
