If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
Randomize
