i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
