Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
birth control should be required to get into college
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
