just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
