so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
Randomize
