he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Randomize