I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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