I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
