You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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