My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
