Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
