life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
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