So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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