No stitches, just platelets and will power
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
