my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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