He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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