so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
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