Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
