And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
Randomize
