remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
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