I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Randomize
