my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
