i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Randomize
