so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Randomize
