my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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