So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
