listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
