why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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