He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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