I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Randomize
