I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
