dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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