Where you are. You must stay where you are are
Where you are. You must stay where you are arewhere are youu
Where you are. You must stay where you 5eare wher are you!!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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