god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
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