He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
