i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
Randomize