ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
