you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
