fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
