At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
