worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
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