Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
