god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
