I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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