No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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