I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
My penis needs a shock collar
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Randomize
