He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
