Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
