Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
